PUBLIC GRIEF VS PERSONAL GRIEF

JANUARY 28 was the 30th anniversary of the Challenger Space Shuttle tragedy killing six astronauts and an elementary school teacher. Perhaps you were one of those who witnessed it from the ground near Cape Canaveral or you were one of the students who watched on a nationally televised broadcast. In 2003 seven astronauts died when “Columbia” disintegrated upon reentry. Similar to 9/11, these sudden, traumatic disasters affected not only our nation but people all over the world. After the shock, the disbelief, the screams, the tears, the stories, the photos, the funerals, the memorials, the public grief becomes an experience distanced by normal living. However, for any friend or family member who knew one of the victims the yearly anniversary would be “an event that occurred just recently” according to Christa McCauliffe’s husband interviewed the other day. The passage of time doesn’t necessarily lessen the sadness and missing of someone who we loved after his/her death.

GRIEF CHANGES    

Even acute grief after sudden, traumatic deaths changes. It may become less intense. The intervals between grief experiences may be lengthier. The normal reactions of shock, anger, loneliness, and fear hopefully will dissipate with healing. But the missing and the sadness may continue to be triggered at times for the rest of your life. That’s normal grief.

– Harriet

HOPE FOR HEALING IN 2016

The “Holidays” are over but grief continues. Ask that of anyone who is grieving. As I’ve stated before, holidays may trigger more intense grief reactions, but the bereaved may be triggered by “anything” or "nothing at all”. I suggest you reread my previous blogs to review how to support someone who is grieving as well as yourself with care and compassion.

My hope for the New Year is that 2016 be a healing year for you and your loved ones.

– Harriet

The Gift of Self Compassion

This is the season for gift giving. It’s a perfect time to give yourself the gifts of compassion and patience. It’s called “healthy selfishness” and it’s OK especially when you are grieving. Some suggestions for you:

 
  • Cry
  • Exercise
  • Meditate
  • Say NO for this year
  • Play with pets
  • Music
  • Write
  • Talk
  • Walk
  • Pray
 

And give yourself permission to "just be". May your holiday be healing.

– Harriet

The Gift of Compassion

 

Thanksgiving began a holiday season that can be particularly difficult for the bereaved. While grief “triggers” know no calendar, holidays evoke memories of friends, family, food and fun. Therefore, holidays represent our friend. After the death of a loved one, the very same holiday can become our foe.

You might hear someone say, “I don’t want to put up my decorations”, “I won’t host the holiday dinner”, or “I’m not buying gifts.” How can you support a grieving friend or family member? The kindest gift to offer is to listen and take your cues from them. Offer NO advice and do NOT judge. Offer to help with a specific task in mind.

At this holiday season, give the gifts of compassion and patience.

– Harriet