WONDERFUL WISE WOMEN

International Women’s Day has been observed on March 8 since the early 1900’s, specifically addressing the inequality of work conditions, pay and voting rights in Europe. Since 1987 March has been designated by presidential proclamation to honor women’s contributions in America. It also has become a dedicated month to raise awareness of the ongoing issues related to gender inequality and human rights.

Today on my birthday I wish to acknowledge some recent accomplishments by some amazing women.

1- Christina Koch will become the first female astronaut assigned for a flight to the moon after a 50 year hiatus, having lived for 328 days on the International Space Station in 2019.

2- Israeli conductor Bar Avni won the women’s international competition in Paris beating 197 competitors from 47 countries.

3- Admiral Lisa Franchetti is the first woman to head the the US Navy, thereby becoming the first woman to serve on the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

4- In 2023 several universities named female presidents for the very first time.

5- Clara Goldin was the first solo woman awarded the Nobel Prize in Economics just last year.

6- In 2022 Taylor Swift gave the commencement speech at NYU titled “Cringe Is Unavoidable”

The list goes on and on and I encourage you to learn about other inspiring women who have been trailblazers throughout the centuries.

-Harriet

LEAP DAYS aND LEAP YEARS

Every four years we add a day at the end of February to align the calendar with the Earth’s orbit. We can thank Julia Caesar for recognizing the problem in 46 BCE and coming up with a solution.

Then the system was refined by Pope Gregory in the 16th Century, whereby every 100 years one leap day was to be eliminated. That too was not a perfect solution, so now we add an extra day every 400 years.

If that’s not confusing enough, compare it to the Jewish calendar, which is luni-solar. It has 29 days, alternating with 30 days every month. Then, every three years an extra month is added.

My takeaway from all this is to be aware and mindful of every precious moment we are given while alive.

– Harriet

PREACHER, POLITICIAN and modern day PROPHET

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. As Rabbi Marc Gellman of The God Squad wrote in his weekly column on Friday, this is a holiday without rituals and he would like “this day to have a deeper significance than just a day with no postal delivery.”

I’ve chosen to remember Dr. King as a preacher, politician and modern day prophet by sharing a few of my favorite quotes from him.

“I am convinced that men hate each other because they fear each other. They fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they don’t communicate with each other, and they don’t communicate with each other because they are separated from each other.”

“We must learn to live together as brothers or perish as fools.”

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

-Harriet

GIFT of LIGHT

“I was not angry for even a minute, neither was my husband,” said the mother of a hostage mistakenly killed by IDF soldiers. “There was pain, sorrow, great pain…We were shocked.”

When the soldiers involved visited the family during shiva (the seven day mourning period) this mother told them she and her family love them and do not blame them for her son’s death as they “cried together.” After learning that morale was low in the IDF after the incident she chose to release this public message.

This is an example of light in a dark time. So too are the holidays of Hanukah, Christmas and Kwanza, whose common symbol of displaying lit candles and electric lights remind us that in the darkest time of the year it is possible to see light , love, forgiveness and healing.

Please join me with ongoing prayers for PEACE in 2024.

-Harriet

POSITIVELY PAINFUL PROSE

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

Subject: THE WORLD, U.S., ISRAEL AND ANTISEMITISM



Marking 30 days since the horrific massacre, the President of Israel invites the pubic to light a candle in their homes anywhere and everywhere in memory of the murdered and fallen. This is an appropriate time for me to share the following letter written by Joe Isenstein to his family this week.

DON'T KNOW IF YOU WILL TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS BUT I HOPE YOU DO. 

MOST OF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO GROW UP WITH VIRULENT ANTISEMITISM. I DO. FROM THE TIME I CAN REMEMBER ANTISEMITISM HAS BEEN PART OF MY LIFE AND THAT OF MY PARENTS AND BROTHERS . IN THE SMALL NEW HAMPSHIRE TOWN I GREW UP IN WE WERE REFERRED TO AS "DIRTY JEWS" AND "CHRIST KILLERS". FROM FIGHTS ON THE PLAY GROUNDS TO SUBTLE (AND NOT SO SUBTLE) COMMENTS BY SOME TEACHERS ANTISEMITISM WAS ALIVE AND WELL. I STILL CARRY SOME OF THE PAIN INSIDE ME.DURING THAT TIME 6 MILLION JEWS WERE MURDERED IN EUROPE ALONG WITH 2 MILLION OTHER NON DESIRABLES.  IN THOSE EARLY YEARS OF MY GROWING UP ISRAEL DID NOT EXIST. SLOWLY, AS ISRAEL MATURED IT APPEARED THAT ANTISEMITISM WAS SLOWLY FADING.THE UNITED NATIONS CAME INTO BEING BASED ON THE HOPE FOR WORLD PEACE ALONG WITH THE ERADICATION OF HATE AND OTHER FORMS OF BRUTALITY. IT SEEMED AS THOUGH HUMANITY HAD LEARNED FROM THE MISTAKES OF THE PAST AND  MOST OF US THOUGHT THAT ANTISEMITISM JUST EXISTED WITH FRINGE WHITE SUPREMICISTS. WE HAVE BEEN PROVEN WRONG.

COLLEGE CAMPUSES ARE EXPLODING WITH ANTISEMITISM FOSTERED BY PROGRESSIVE LEFT WING FACULTY AND ADMINISTRATIONS UNABLE TO FIND THEIR VOICES. MY SISTER IN LAW KIETHA LEFT HER FAMILY TO MARCH WITH MARTIN LUTHER KING AND JEWS RODE BUSES AND PARTICIPATED IN SITINS WITH BLACKS THROUGHOUT THE SOUTH. JEWS SUPPORTED BLACK LIVES MATTER BECAUSE WE BELIEVE ALL LIVES MATTER. NOW BLM SUPPORTS HAMAS AND CELEBRATES THE MURDER OF JEWS. LGBTQ HAS BEEN SUPPORTED BY JEWS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD AND THAT COMMUNITY OF PEOPLE SUPPORTS HAMAS AND THE MURDER OF JEWS. JEWS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT AT THE FOREFRONT OF LIBERAL THOUGHT, LIBERAL ACTIONS AND RIGHTS OF MINORITIES. I ASK MYSELF WHERE DID WE GO WRONG.

MY HEART HAS NEVER BEEN SO HEAVY. I AM SADDENED THAT MY CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN WILL LIVE THROUGH TIMES MUCH MORE DESTRUCTIVE OF JEWS THAN WHAT I LIVED THROUGH. I AM AT A LOSS OF WHAT TO TELL YOU. 

WHEN OCT 7 HAPPENED PEOPLE WOULD ASK "DO YOU HAVE RELATIVES IN ISRAEL?" I WOULD TELL THEM I HAVE A COUSIN IN TEL AVIV AND A GREAT NEPHEW IN THE NORTH WATING TO BE CALLED UP TO FIGHT. FOR ME THAT IS NO LONGER A SUFFICIENT ANSWER. I NOW ANSWER "I HAVE 9 MILLION BROTHERS, SISTERS, NIECES AND NEPHEWS LIVING IN ISRAEL. THEY ARE ALL MY FAMILY. THEY'RE YOUR FAMILY TOO.

FEAR FOR FUTURE

Two weeks after the brutal massacre of at least 1400 Israelis, over 4000 injured and the taking of over 200 hostages I’m experiencing a myriad of normal grief reactions: sadness, denial, anger, helplessness, numbness and fear. Perhaps you’ve listened to the impassioned speeches by President Biden and NYC Mayor Eric Adams (YouTube) as I have.

Today my feeling of fear stretches beyond what’s happening in the Middle East and I’m reminded of the poem by the Lutheran Pastor Martin Niemoller who initially as a Nazi supporter and self identified antisemite was SILENT. He later became an outspoken enemy of Hitler and was imprisoned in two concentration camps. His poem - “First They Came”

First they came for the Communists and I did not speak out because I was not a Communist

Then they came for the Socialists and I did not speak out because I was not a Socialist

Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist

Then they came for the Jews and I did to speak out because I was not a Jew

Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Will you be SILENT?

-Harriet

"FORGET ME NOT"

Alzheimers Disease International has proclaimed September as World Alzheimers Month to raise awareness and challenge the stigma associated with this disease and other dementia. Two symbols offered to represent AD are the elephant who “never forgets” and the Forget Me Not flower - so we don’t forget the need to support the patients and their caregivers as well as donate to fund research to find a cure.

Realistically we aren’t always aware of what a dementia patient remembers. Having lived with a parent and sibling with AD and a sister in law with advanced dementia as well as within my hospice volunteer experience I’ve learned that the simplest way to connect and observe moments of awareness is with MUSIC. I’ve chosen nursery rhymes, patriotic or religious melodies and songs from their favorite vocalist and all are easily available on YouTube.

Try it and offer the gift to your loved one and yourself. I hope you can experience watching that person connect with a deeply buried memory.

-Harriet

BUILDING HOMES - REBUILDING LIVES

My blog originated after publishing my book, SAD IS NOT BAD, for the sole purpose of offering grief support. However, through time it has evolved to whatever inspires me that month. Last Saturday I was inspired and educated after being invited to attend a ribbon cutting ceremony for a mortgage free home, specially adapted to the needs of a post 9/11 war veteran and his family.

Homes For Our Troops (HFOT) has opened 350 uniquely adapted homes in over 44 states. However, over 1000 more severely inured veterans are still in need of that gift to help them rebuild their lives.

The ceremony was beautiful with flags held by all, a color guard, singing of the national anthem, an invocation, and several speakers acknowledging the veteran. However, I was most moved by one in particular. With tears in his eyes the Battalion Commander of this honored vet shared the outstanding qualities of courage and a positive spirit of his soldier while under his command. Those inherent qualities, along with amazing medical care and family love and support helped him recover after an explosion in Iraq severely burned his body and he was given only 5% chance for survival. The vet graciously stood and after embracing his commander shared his and his wife’s words of appreciation to all who helped with this incredible gift of a new home.

Of course I have added HFOT to my charitable donations. I encourage you to research this inspiring organization and spread the word.

-Harriet

HARRIET'S HIKING HOLIDAY

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” (St. Augustine)

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place…but nothing ever grows there.” (Anonymous)

Relevant to so many aspects of our lives, be it work, a residence or relationships, we often settle not ever looking deeper to see if it’s good for us. I’ve pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone in all of these areas and for that I’m grateful. An example from ten years ago was traveling by myself to Bhutan, hiking and camping out in the Himalayas with just my guide Tshering and a cook and a porter. I’ve just returned from 5 days of hiking in Switzerland, accompanied by my granddaughter where once again I had challenges to truly move me beyond my comfort zone. I was often reminded of the children’s song, “The Bear Went Over The Mountain” and you know what he saw.

“The top of one mountain can be the bottom of your next so keep climbing.”

-Harriet

HOSPICE = HELP and HOPE

On February 18 former president Jimmy Carter opted for home hospice care. Many people anticipated he would die within weeks or even days. However, more than four months later his choice is evidence that hospice is appropriate and recommended when life expectancy is 6 months or less and no further curative treatment or medical intervention is warranted. (Reevaluations are done periodically and I recall a patient living two years on the hospice I had been a staff member.) Many patients live longer merely because of the quality of care and help from the hospice team.

HELP can come in various ways. For example, home visits by nurses, social workers, aides, chaplains, grief counselors and volunteers help the family and patient with education and counseling. Equipment such as hospital beds, commodes, oxygen and meds to control pain and symptoms are invaluable for quality of life.

HOPE can be whatever it means for the patient and family. Perhaps it is to be in one’s own home surrounded by those you choose to be present. Or the hope to be physically comfortable. The final hope might be a peaceful death.

My 35 years as staff, volunteer, educator and family member have taught me the true value and benefits of hospice care.

-Harriet

A HAND TO HOLD

Rabbi Harold Kushner, the well known author of “When Bad Things Happen To Good People”died April 27 at the age of 88. In one of his books, “When All You’ve Ever Wanted Isn’t Enough” he tells a great story about the value of friends.

“I was sitting on a beach one summer day, watching two children, a girl and a boy, playing in the sand. They were hard at work building an elaborate sand castle by the water’s edge, with gates and towers and moats and internal passages. Just when they had nearly finished their project, a big wave came along and knocked it down, reducing it to a heap of wet sand. I expected the children to burst into tears, devastated by what had happened to all their hard work. But they surprised me. Instead, they ran up the shore away from the water, laughing and holding hands and sat down to build another castle.

I realized that they has taught me an important lesson. All the things in our lives, all the complicated structures we spend so much time and energy creating, are built on sand. Sooner or later, the waves will come along and kick down what we had worked so hard to build up. When that happens, only the person who has somebody’s hand to hold will be able to laugh.”

“May his memory be for a blessing”

-Harriet

ETERNAL HOPE

Last night marked the 80th anniversary of the Warsaw Ghetto uprising commemorated with televised ceremonies at Yad Vashem in Israel.

Today is Yom Hashoah, Holocaust and Heroes Remembrance Day.

Tomorrow a ceremony at the US Capitol will be televised at 10:30 am to remember the victims of the Holocaust, honor the survivors, and pay tribute to the rescuers and liberators.

Next week the only recognized democracy in the Middle East will commemorate its memorial day, followed by the celebration of the 75th birthday of the modern state of Israel.

At the Day of Remembrance ceremony in Washington, DC in 2001 Elie Wiesel shared “…We tell these stories because perhaps we know that not to listen, not to want to know will lead to indifference. Indifference is never an answer. Whoever hates, hates everybody. Whoever kills, kills more than his victims…”

May you and I be inspired to confront and speak out against any forms of antisemitism, hate, prejudice and genocide.

-Harriet

SPRING AWAKENING

Premiering on Broadway in 2006, “Spring Awakening” was a coming of age rock-musical based on an original 1891 German play. It addressed the many changes teenagers face when growing up. The show’s huge success has been acknowledged by a long list of awards garnered.

Coming of age today is more complex. According to the March 23rd WSJ Opinion article by Suzy Welch, Generation Z “yearns for stability”, even assessing that it’s a “sexy” hope. Her concluding paragraph is a message for not only the young but for everyone at any age.

“…all you can really hope for is good health and a meaningful life. Our health is often out of our hands, but making meaning of the change around us - making it about something greater and better than simply change itself is something we can all endeavor to do, perhaps now more than ever.

Let’s make that the new normal together.”

-Harriet

THE DASH

“The Dash”, a poem by Linda Ellis begins,

“I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth and now only those who loved her know what that little line meant.

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars…the house…the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.”

The poem continues with suggestions of how you can “be proud of the things they say and how you spent your dash.”

I encourage you to read the entire poem (Google it) as a gift of LOVE to yourself.

-Harriet

PIANO PERFORMANCE or PERSONAL PLEASURE?

“New Year’s Celebration Piano Clearance” was the title of an ad that appeared on my phone, followed by some research facts of benefits to playing the piano (increase emotional health, reduce stress, blood pressure and feelings of pain, keep your mind sharp, increase self esteem, remain happy, healthy and mentally engaged.”

Little did I know when at the age of 9, having asked my parents for piano lessons, I was about to start a life long journey with that musical instrument. In order to prove I was serious and prior to their permitting my grandmother to purchase a piano as a gift, I took lessons from a teacher across the street and practiced at my next door neighbor on their big black baby grand.

Fast forward: 1 - After a year I did have my own piano and took lessons into high school. 2 - After being convinced to take pedagogy classes I began teaching piano in a home studio for several years quite successfully despite the fact that I work very hard at learning new music and found playing in front of people nerve wracking. 3 - I purchased a black 6 foot grand Yamaha piano delegating the original to my studio. 4 - The original piano spent time in two of my sons’ homes and now is played and enjoyed by my grandson in California. 6 - My six foot grand followed me to Florida eleven years ago. 7 - Periodically I’ve taken lessons to reengage with the skills and nuances of playing.

Yes, I’m playing the piano between my myriad of activities, enjoying the benefits listed above and forever grateful to my Nanny who gifted me with my first piano when I was 10 years old.

-Harriet

HOPE FLOATS YOUR BOAT

One of the things I love is checking out boat names as they are very often unique, creative or humorous. While sailing in the BVI’s during Thanksgiving week, my eldest grandson pointed out a boat name (“Hope Floats”) as we were heading to our mooring in Virgin Gorda, saying to me,”You’d like this name Nanny”, and yes it immediately resonated with me as a future blog title. Need I say more?

I HOPE your Thanksgiving was memorable.

I HOPE you have a peaceful and meaningful holiday season whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza or none.

I HOPE the New Year brings you good health and deepening relationships.

I HOPE you keep HOPE in your heart always.

I HOPE, “HOPE FLOATS YOUR BOAT”.

-Harriet

STORYWORTH

How many times have you said, “I wish I had asked my parents (grandparents, aunts, uncles) that before they died”? Historically, many cultures used oral tradition to hand down their history, rituals and values. Now we have books, videos and films to record history. But, what about your story? What will your children and grandchildren remember about your life?

Covid offered me the opportunity to write my second book, specifically for my children and grandchildren. It’s title, TOMORROW PEOPLE, is taken from the Ziggy Marley song written in 1988 seven years after his father, Bob Marley, died, reminding us of the need to know your past in order to move forward.

You’re not a writer you say. Well there’s a format that has been used by millions and it’s called STORYWORTH. Google it!

It may become the source of THANKSGIVING for your future generations.

-Harriet

GOLF and GRIEF

As my friend returned to her golf cart after hitting a less than perfect golf shot she said, ”My brain got in the way.”

Instantly it triggered a parallel to grief. During my years counseling I often heard, “How long will it take?, Why can’t I concentrate?, I’m not sleeping like I used to.” As I needed to validate the normal feelings and reactions and educate as well I would explain that grief is an emotional experience , not an intellectual one. While grief is a blow to the psyche, it manifests in the body.

Much research has been done since I began my career in 1991 and “grief brain” is now a recognized part of grieving with changes in eating, sleeping, concentration and memory being temporary, lasting on the average from six months to a year. Yes the brain gets in the way of grieving.

While the brain is affected after the death of a friend or family member, remember it’s an emotional experience that needs to be embraced and not feared. Acknowledging and embracing the normal feelings of disbelief, sadness, anxiety, fear, remorse and anger is what heals us. We call it grief work. It’s challenging and painful but it’s worth the journey.

-Harriet

LOSS AND LEGACY

“A 14 hour queue? Queen was like a grandmother - so we’ll wait”said a woman in London. People are lined up for over five miles to pay their respects to Queen Elizabeth II after her death. She has been eulogized by heads of state, world wide media and grieved by people all over the world like me and possibly you. Do you remember the outpouring of grief for JFK in 1963, Princess Di in 1997 or Whitney Houston in 2012? It’s called public grief for “we knew them”, perhaps not as a family member, close friend or colleague but they were part of our lives. And it’s normal to grieve their deaths.

According to Dominic Green, a fellow of the Royal Historical Society ”…her measured words and quiet deeds made the queen the most recognizable person in human history.”

We can learn from Queen Elizabeth’s legacy. And from the queen herself in a speech, “We are just passing through. Our purpose here is just to observe, to learn, to love and then we return home.”

“May her memory be for a blessing”

-Harriet

LEGACY OF OPTIMISM

Stu, my friend for nearly 50 years, after years of declining, debilitating health, died peacefully two weeks ago at the age of 93. He was a life long optimist, so much so that his vanity license plate read “OPTIMIST”.

Stu wrote the following poem when he turned 51.

“Here I am at 51 - To me my life has just begun - Strange as I grow younger every year - Of growing old I have no fear - I’m just a kid in every way - Life is but a bowl of joy - Let me just remain an overgrown boy”

And then two years ago he wrote….

“Here I am at 91 - I know I am still lots of fun - Some of the years have been rather rough - But I go forward determined and tough - My neck has been broken - My heart has been fixed - My memory betrays me - And I’m somewhat famished (confused) - Loss of family and dear friends - Has been so very painful - For special ones who do remain - I am so extremely grateful - The gift of my life - Are my wife, kids and grands - My love and my pride - For them never ends - May you my dear Lo - Remain at my side - For you are my love - My eternal bride - If lucky I’ll be here at least 30 more - An optimist I remain forever more - Yes my life continues with so much joy - And still I remain an overgrown boy”

Stu left his family and friends a loving legacy.

What will be your legacy?

-Harriet