LOTS of LOVE LANGUAGES

What can I write about love? “ Let me count the ways”.

1 - We all know that February 14 is the Hallmark holiday of love, its origins having been a pagan or Roman fertility ritual/feast later honored by the Catholic Church as a celebration of Saint Valentine. Chaucer and Shakespeare are credited with romanticizing the day. Be aware that there’s a shortage of Valentine chocolate as reported in the February 4th edition of the Wall Street Journal.

2 - February is American Heart Month, hoping to raise awareness of the actions we can take to prevent heart disease, the leading cause of death in the US.

3 - Love is all around us, particularly since pop artist Robert Indiana created an image of the letters L O V E to be used for a Museum of Modern Art Christmas card in 1965. That image found its place on a US stamp and was copied in different ways, most spectacularly being the oversize sculptures located in different cities around the world, including one using the four Hebrew letters that spell love, Ahava, at the Israel Museum in Jerusalem.

4 - Have you heard of the Five Love Languages? The concept, created by Dr. Gary Chapman, a well established marriage counselor, describes five general ways partners express and experience love. It’s worth reading his book or googling the phrase to help enhance your relationships.

5 - Lastly, after being together one evening, my friend shared that the time together “inspired” her to choose 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:1 for her church reading the next day. While there are many versions the following resonated with me. “Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not brag…Love never ends, love never fails…After everything there is only faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love.”

I wish you meaningful and loving days all year long.

-Harriet

PICKLE BALL PREDICAMENT

The first time I heard about pickle ball was when an older tennis friend told me she and her husband were playing at a local park because she could no longer cover the tennis court. The first time I encountered the game being played was watching my son and daughter in law playing in their community on a newly lined court on an existing hard surface tennis court. It appeared to be fun but the scoring seemed impossible to comprehend. They suggested i take a paddle, stand close to the net but not in the “kitchen” and give it a test. With my right wrist still encased in a cast after surgery for a broken wrist ( bicycle accident), I attempted to return the wiffle ball. Whiff, try again, whiff again. Not only did I laugh a lot but realized my tennis and ping pong skills did not predict an easy adjustment to hitting the yellow wiffle ball.

In anticipation of the construction of 8 new courts in our community. three tennis friends and I drove down to a local park to “play” pickleball after watching a single Youtube video in the Spring of 2021. We probably had more laughs than successful returns over the net but we did have fun and repeated it a couple more times, even hiring an instructor for one of our dates. More experienced players at the park actually invited us to join their group to play but we graciously declined.

Fast forward: Construction began on our pickle balls courts with lots of anticipation for a new activity.

Fast forward: I started to hear of many accidents occurring while playing this popular sport. I came to the conclusion that after two broken wrists (the first while playing ping pong) I probably would be better off returning the borrowed paddles and balls to my children and that’s what I did. Why take a chance of injuring myself and then not being able to play tennis, golf, kayak or play my piano?

Fast forward: The pickle ball courts are completed and free instruction is being offered. I borrow back the paddles and balls and sign up for “Pickle Ball 101”.

Having had two sessions with instructors and newbies I‘m hooked to continue learning to play this popular game for all the reasons pickle ball is the fastest growing sport in the US. It’s easy to learn, fun for all ages and is a social and inclusive activity.

Life is a challenge - Challenges are not obstacles - but opportunities to show us strength and courage to overcome our fears…………

-Harriet

NEW IN '22 *

As a grief counselor a major task is to validate my client’s feelings and help them recognize the universality of grief and the importance to have the courage to travel the journey in order to heal. And there’s been a lot for which to be grieving in today’s world. It’s common knowledge that living through 2020 and 2021 has impacted adults, teens and children with prolonged stress, anxiety and depression. AND that is normal, living with so many changes and fear.

Another responsibility i have had has been to educate my clients. While we have no control over the feelings we experience or the future we can control 4 things.

1- WORDS 2- ACTION 3- BELIEFS 4- ATTITUDE

And here are 10 things you can do when stressed.

1 - Walk in nature 2 - Read a book 3 - Journal 4 - Meditate 5 - Call a friend 6 - Clean a closet 7 - Soak in a warm tub/shower 8 - Listen or play music 9 - Have a hot cup of tea 10 - Paint, draw or color

What will you do new in ‘22?

-Harriet

*Title shared by Beth Warner

GIANT GRACEFUL GIRAFFES

I’m not sure when I first realized that the giraffe is my favorite animal. Was it as a child thumbing through a picture book of animals or when taking my three young sons to explore the Bronx Zoo? Was it at one of my many visits to zoos in the various cities and countries I’ve had the privilege of visiting, always seeking out “the serene grace and ethereal beauty” of these stately animals? Or was it on my first safari in Kenya in 1985 when “out of nowhere” a giant giraffe appeared on the dusty road ahead?

The souvenir we chose from that amazing trip was a signed, beautifully hand carved 6 ft wooden sculpture of a reticulated giraffe. It has had an interesting life having first traveled by ship to NY and then trucked to Florida 10 years ago where he proudly resides in my current home.

Knowing my love of giraffes, my granddaughter gifted me with her hand painted portrait of a giraffe’s face, its sweet soul evident through its eyes.

Recently I watched a movie called “Giraffada”, recalling a true story of a male giraffe killed in an air raid in the Middle East and the subsequent solution by a father and son to bring a new partner for the surviving female.

If you like giraffes as much as I do i recommend this educational and touching movie. In addition, i encourage you to read the novel, WEST WITH GIRAFFES, also based on true events of two giraffes who after having survived the 1938 hurricane at sea were successfully transported across the US to the San Diego Zoo. In addition, the author successfully explores the evolving relationship between a teen and the giraffes.

The author, Lynda Rutledge, writes on page 79, “ Animals are complete all on their own living by voices we don’t get to hear, having a knowledge far beyond our paltry ken and giraffes, they seem to know something more.”

I’m thankful for giraffes.

-Harriet

IT'S NO JOKE!

“If there is one regret Ihave about my marriage, it’s how little I laughed. So much to laugh about in life, and yet I deprived myself. Why?… Because what really is there to laugh about? Only now, as I lie on this dying-bed, do I realize it, life is funny. People fighting over a piece of land that none of them can take along when death comes. How is that not funny? Everyone wants something to make them happy, only to realize that, they want something else to make them happy-how is that not funny?” (Fortunately, these are not my words) Rather they are a reflection by Yaya in the book HOW BEAUTIFUL WE WERE written by Imbolo Mbue.

Norman Cousins, author, professor, political journalist and world peace advocate did research on the biochemistry of the interconnection between emotions and attitude and health. He applied his belief to his own healing after being diagnosed with a serious illness. One of his memorable quotes is, “Laughter is a form of jogging. It moves your internal organs around. It enhances respiration. It is an ignitor of great expectations.”

Google all the scientific aspects of laughter, the many quotes about laughter, and the bountiful book titles about jokes and laughter. While you’re at it YouTube a funny video or do something silly so you can laugh by yourself.

My friend Holly asks her two young grandsons a joke every morning as she drives them to school. Her source is THE BIG BOOK OF SILLY JOKES FOR KIDS. And i love the silliness of learning some of the answers.

Get started to increase your daily dose of laughter. It’s important for your health. ITS NO JOKE!!!!!!

"MY 'ALIVE DAY' "

September 11, 2021 marked 20 years since the horrific attacks on US soil of the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, symbols of our financial and military strength. As you know the day was commemorated with news stories, documentaries, interviews and ceremonies, triggering our memories and latent grief reactions.

9 years and 8 days after 9/11 Congressman Brian Mast, then an Army Ranger, stepped on an IED (improvised explosive device) in Afghanistan causing the loss of both lower legs and injury to his left arm. He acknowledges that day every year as his ALIVE DAY, reflecting on the lessons he has learned.

I quote, “First there are only two real disabilities in this life: a lack of courage and a lack of determination. If you have courage too be bold, to be daring and try something new, and you pair it with the determination, drive and fortitude to do everything that you can to accomplish your goal, nothing can get in your way. Even if you lose two legs and a finger, you can wake up and make today better than yesterday.

Second, you cannot let your best be behind you. Waking up in Walter Reed Hospital next to men and women who had injuries like mine, or worse, I saw that strength firsthand… Inspired by their example, I decided that my best service to this country was not going to be behind me.

Finally, if you spend your life serving something bigger than yourself, you will leave this world with no regrets…”

Make every day YOUR ALIVE DAY!

-harriet

WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER?

Do you remember the color of the sky on September 11, 2001?

Do you remember where you were when you learned about the planes crashing into the Twin Towers?

Do you remember watching your TV screen over and over again not believing what you were seeing?

Do you remember calling family and friends who would have been in Manhattan that morning?

I remember rushing to the nearby Blood Bank only to be turned away because there was no need for blood.

I remember driving into Manhattan and “seeing” the missing towers.

I remember going to Union Square Park and viewing the hastily crafted “Missing Persons” posters.

I remember walking by several NYC fire stations, lit memorial candles on the sidewalk, and offering condolences to any firemen present.

I remember the people I counseled directly affected by 9/11.

WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER?

“Remembrance is a form of meeting” - Kahil Gibran

“There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning.” -Thornton Wilder

-Harriet

SALLY SHARES a SIMPLE SUGGESTION

My dear, long time friend Sally recently broke her ankle, forcing her to slow down and acknowledge to loss of independence and mobility, two qualities that have defined her in the past. She turned to a favorite book of meditations that she “picks up from time to time”.

I now share some excerpts from EVERYDAY SERENITY, (Meditations for people who do too much) by David Kundtz. He quotes Molly Fumia, “In grief we face a sacred moment, one permeated with fear, overflowing with pain, steeped in difficulty.” Kundtz believes that what prevents us from the essential joy of doing nothing, is the presence of grief. He acknowledges that “It is a formidable presence and our first response is to avoid it. It happens to everyone and no one is immune.”

He further believes that one of the first signs that we are ready to face grief is our willingness to stop, to be quiet, and to be with ourselves. He connects it to the sacredness that Fumia speaks about. Grief brings us into contact with ourselves so he suggests we consider: What am I sad about today? Then just allow the feeling of loss, the grief, to be there a moment. Having grieved, the “sacredness is in the sound of our returning footsteps.” We can return to life, to ourselves, with a new compassion, a new understanding, and even a new joy.”

“Today spend some time feeling one of your losses, and listen for the sound of (or the promise of) your returning footsteps.

-Harriet

A WINNER'S WISE WORDS

Jon Rahm is the 2021 winner of the US Open, the most challenging of the USGA’s yearly golf tournaments. He beat out several strong competitors on Fathers Day in a close finish right up to the last hole. It was notable for several reasons. He’s only 26 years old as well as a new dad of a baby boy. Jon’s father was present too. Jon Rahm is the first Spaniard to win the Open. He has a close tie to San Diego, the home of Torrey Pines, where he won his first major tournament in 2017. And to think he proposed to his wife Kelley just miles away from this famous golf venue.

You could have read all that in the sports news but to me what was also impressive was his post tournament press conference.

Jon has been known for his quick temper and most recently had to withdraw from the Memorial Golf Tournament with a 6 stroke lead because he had tested positive for COVID. It sounds like a perfect storm coming into the US Open and yet he acknowledged his win with grace and articulated lessons learned:

STAY IN THE PRESENT - BE PATIENT AND HOPEFUL - BE A ROLE MODEL FOR MY SON -

FROM THE BIGGEST SETBACK WE CAN GET SOME OF THE BIGGEST BREAKTHROUGHS

And he closed by publicly acknowledging his recent sadness for the death of his close friend and golf journalist due to COVID. Jon Rahm dedicated the prestigious trophy to Jose Manuel Cortizas because “he would have loved more than anybody else to be covering this.”

I hope to remember his “wise words”.

-Harriet

PHIL'S PHILOSOPHY

Today, Sunday, May 23, 2021, 50 year old Phil Mickelson became the oldest golfer ever to win a major championship. “This is just an incredible feeling,” he said afterwards at the award presentation ceremony. “I just believed that it was possible.”

Just 12 days ago Mickelson tweeted the following quote. “I’ve failed many times in my life and career and because of this I’ve learned a lot. Instead of feeling defeated countless times, I’ve used it as fuel to drive me to work harder. So today, join me in accepting failures. Let’s use them to motivate us to work harder.”

What an inspirational message for us all…………..

-harriet

HOW DOES A QUEEN GRIEVE?

For one, Queen Victoria, after the death of her husband, Albert, spiraled into a state of pathological grief, hardly functioning for years and dressed in black for the remainder of her life.

We have just witnessed Queen Elizabeth dressed in black and sitting alone at her husband Philip’s funeral. While COVID guidelines and restrictions might have been responsible for the latter, it is true we are all alone in our grief, regardless of who holds our hand or sits besides us.

The Queen chose some healthy grief rituals such as reportedly having a photo of her and Prince Philip as well as one of his handkerchiefs in her purse. On his coffin she placed a handwritten note to her husband of 73 years. In addition, it had been observed that Queen Elizabeth was “wiping away a tear”.

While strict mourning rituals will be followed by the Royal Family , the Queen will grieve in her own normal/unique way just like you and I. (Normal for the way she has grieved during her life and unique for the relationship she had with her husband). I imagine her dogs will be a source of comfort as well as the outpouring of condolence messages from around the world.

I look forward to the day she replaces the black mourning clothes with her favored pastels.

Queen Elizabeth was quoted as saying, “Grief is the price we pay for love” after 9/11.

-Harriet

FLYING AGAIN

Yes, I’m “flying again” at the thought of boarding an airplane again in a few days. Several months after the initial COVID lockdown, while golfing with friends, I remember hearing the sound of an airplane in the sky. Looking up I began thinking, “that’s a wonderful sound, that’s a wonderful sight, that’s normal.” I felt nostalgic for the many trips I’ve taken in all kinds of airplanes; DC 3, two and four seater single engine, jets of all sizes and configurations, the Concorde, helicopters, seaplanes and a glider. I was feeling nostalgic for sure!

A February 27, 2021 Wall Street Journal article by Clay Routledge countered the belief that nostalgia is “bad”, explaining that people often misunderstand how it’s experienced. Research has shown that “nostalgia can bring comfort and meaning, even inspiration. It’s all about the future more than the past.”

Best selling author Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now) claims “My life improved immeasurably when I was able to find a balance between living in the past, remembering the past, thinking of the past and thinking about the future.”

Yes I’m looking forward to my first plane travel in well over a year even though it’ll be a quick two day turn around. I’m looking forward to more flying in the US to visit friends and family. I’m looking forward to taking international flights to places that will be both nostalgic and inspirational. That’s why I’m “flying again”.

-Harriet

LIFE is like a PIANO

For years a small wooden plaque sat on one of the two pianos in my music studio. It read,

“Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.”

While Tom Lehrer is best known for his satirical and humorous verses as a songwriter, I hadn’t realized this was his quote. While researching the quote I came across an anonymous quote you might appreciate.

“Life is like a piano. White keys are happy moments and black keys are sad. But remember both keys are played together to give sweet memories.”

-Harriet

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

“We don’t remember bad days. We only remember moments,” wrote Italian poet and novelist Cesare Panese. I imagine that’s true for good days as well.

This month there were two memorable moments for me, each highlighted by a meaningful quote.

“Every tear is a lesson learned” came from the Netflix movie, “All The Bright Places”.

“Even as we grieved, we grew…” I’ll never forget the moment I heard inaugural poet Amanda Gorman recite her inspiring and indelible words. And I’ve listened to them several more times on YouTube.

What are your memorable moments?

-Harriet

From DARKNESS to LIGHT

I dedicate this to the memory of Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks who died last month. Rabbi Sacks who served as the Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth from 1991-2013 has been celebrated as a moral thinker and a globally renowned intellect.

I had quoted the following from Rabbi Sacks in my December 2018 blog, “For though my faith is not yours and your faith is not mine, if we each are free to light our own flame, together we can banish some of the darkness in the world.”

TODAY is the shortest day of the year and therefore the darkest. This also is the season of three important holidays.

Perhaps you lit the candles on your Hanukkah menorah from December 10-18. Perhaps you have been lighting the electric lights on your tree or your house leading up to Christmas on December 25. Perhaps you will light the first candle on your kinara on December 26 to begin the seven day holiday of Kwanzaa. Or maybe you just appreciate the effectiveness and beauty of more light during these long dark days.

It seems that this has been a perfect time for clergy of all faiths to remind us of the need to bring light into our world. The Reverend Carmen D’Amico of Muse, PA recently shared these words with his congregants, “We need to support each other…We need to be the light for each other.”

Find ways to follow his advice in your community. And I encourage you do the same with your family and friends. Whether by pen, computer or voice say, “You bring light into my life.”

-Harriet

NEW HOLE - NEW HOPE

Saturday the weather was spectacular and I was enjoying a fun game of golf with friends. Having finished holes 12, 13 and 14 with more strokes than I liked, I approached the next tee box and announced to my foursome, “New hole”. My friend Ramona immediately responded, “New hole, new hope”. That resonated with me as I have long believed golf is a metaphor for life. I smiled and thanked her for saying that. I added “It might just be my next blog title”. And so it is……………………………………..

New Hole - New Hope

New Love - New Hope

New Marriage - New Hope

New Baby - New Hope

New Test - New Hope

New Teacher - New Hope

New Treatment - New Hope

New Diagnosis - New Hope

New Vaccine - New Hope

New Recipe - New Hope

New Chef - New Hope

New Information - New Hope

New Idea - New Hope

New Plan - New Hope

New Attitude - New Hope

New Commitment - New Hope

New Day - New Hope

New Month - New Hope

New Year - New Hope

I’m sure you can add your own to this list.

-Harriet

RELATIONSHIP ROAD

The Gottman Institute offered the following on October 8, 2020 in their email newsletter called “The Marriage Minute”: “The saying, ‘It’s a marathon, not a sprint’ could apply to relationships, but a better metaphor to consider might be that commitment is a road, not a destination. You and your partner are on the road together. Was it bumpy at the start? Have there been unexpected detours? Or maybe you’ve even hit a pothole or two. But the best way to move forward is not to dwell in those potholes. Even if they cause a flat tire, you call roadside assistance and keep going. It’s okay to hit a rough patch. It’s okay to call for help. ask for directions, or look at a map if you’re lost. You’re on the road together, navigating it side by side. Trust and love are built in the small moments, and often as a result of some of the toughest stretches of road. “

And what about your relationship with yourself? Are you judgmental of yourself? Do you blame yourself for every little thing that goes wrong? Has that approach helped your relationship with yourself? When my children were growing up I used to remind them that the only guarantee in life was CHANGE. Everything changes and because that’s true of ourselves as well, why not take the opportunity to observe your behavior, actions, thoughts and emotions, rather than judge them.

Observing is neutral and therefore not hurtful. It might even lead to a more positive approach to viewing your relationship with yourself and then, hopefully, your relationship with others.

-Harriet

TIME FOR REFLECTION

I dedicate this blog to the memory of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a true champion of justice and women, who died on the eve of the Jewish New Year 5781.

Perhaps you have experienced what I have; that at times the months since COVID has changed our lives seems like years. Many hopes and dreams have been squashed and normal living has has been seriously altered. 2020 has been filled with feelings of shock, grief, fear, anger and anxiety. People have felt out of control in having to make necessary changes in their daily routine confronted by an ever-changing landscape of facts and fiction as well as an overwhelming need to follow every bit of published or televised news.

And yet many have discovered benefits and feelings of gratitude during this challenging time. I know I have. I’ve had more time to reflect.

Calendars may mark dates but holidays are benchmarks. Knowing this Jewish New Year may not be your custom or practice, perhaps, however, it’s not too early (as it has felt like years and not months since January 1) to reflect anyway. I encourage you to look at two important questions during this week, recommended by my rabbi.

1 - What do I regret ?

2 - What do I hope to do (accomplish ) in the coming year?

I share the sentiments of my friend Jane’s New Year’s greeting, “It’s been quite a year! Yet, so much to be thankful for. Wishing you good health, happiness and a bright 5781. Freedom to hug, freedom to travel, freedom to have a safe election, freedom to go to real school, freedom for those who do not have enough to eat, freedom for all oppressed people.”

-Harriet

WHY WOMEN WIN

Jackie Cochran and Janey Briggs Hart (pilot, avid sailor, wife of Senator Philip Hart and mother of eight children) worked zealously to have women included in the initial space flights. On July 17, 1962, Janey testified at a congressional hearing saying “…a hundred years ago it was quite inconceivable that women should serve as hospital attendants…it was somehow indecent for a woman to be among the soldiers, wounded or not” and went on to say “…a woman in space was no more preposterous than a woman in a field hospital during the Civil War.” *

And to think many a romantic movie script would not have been written without that change.

We have witnessed the advancement of women to lofty positions in education as presidents of colleges and universities), CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies and presidents and prime ministers of many countries.

August 18th marked the 100 year anniversary of the ratification of the 19th Amendment, granting all American women the right to vote. Not only is it important to acknowledge that date but also the 100 year struggle to get to that point. Let’s not take that for granted. Let’s not become complacent about the importance of voting. In a letter John Lewis wrote just prior to his recent death he shared, “Voting and participating in the democratic process are key. The vote is the most powerful nonviolent change agent you have in a democratic society. You must use it because it is not guaranteed. You can lose it.”

Where would we be if women couldn’t minister to the sick and wounded?

Where would we be now if female engineers, scientists, mathematicians, pilots and “human computers” were not part of our space program?

Every American citizen over the age of 18 can vote in the next election. I encourage you to have conversations with your families, especially the young adults, as I have, educating and modeling for them.

VOTE on or before Nov. 3rd.

• page 321 ‘Fighting for Space’ by Amy Shira Teitel (2020)

-Harriet

GRATITUDE and OPPORTUNITY

As I had been mulling over various ideas for my monthly blog I realized just about everything related to COVID 19 has been addressed in print or on the internet whether it be ever-changing facts or hypothetical situations for the future, guidance for coping whether it be for emotional reactions or the pragmatic adjustment for a family living, studying and working together daily in close quarters.

As I reflected on my life these past 5 months experiencing disappointments with cancelled family lifecycle events and travel as well as constrained living, reducing my time and involvement as in the past, volunteering, facilitating grief workshops and networking, two words came to mind.

GRATITUDE and OPPORTUNITY

I consciously and daily choose to be grateful for my health, my loving relationships with family and friends and my “cocoon”, my community, that has given me the opportunity to be physically active and socially connected in a safe and supportive environment.

“What opportunities?” you may ask.

1- The opportunity to spend more time playing the piano, challenging myself with new music as well as revisiting old favorites.

2- The opportunity to read books that have expanded my choice of genre, knowledge and enjoyment. Two such books are" “Pilgrimage To Eternity” by Timothy Egan and “Rise And Kill First” by Ronen Bergman.

3- The opportunity to reach out more frequently to family and friends if only by phone, offering mine and receiving their supportive voice during these stressful months.

4- The opportunity to learn and practice a new form of exercise which focuses on improving balance, flexibility and strength as well as enhancing my mental and physical wellbeing.

5- The opportunity (and I know my children and grandchildren will find this hilarious) to search out and try new and delicious recipes for our dinners.

I encourage you to look beyond the stress, fear and fatigue of living with COVID 19 limitations and acknowledge something you are grateful for. I also urge you to learn something new; try a new hobby, get a pet, reconnect with someone from your past or complete a jigsaw puzzle.

I leave you with this quote from a financial advisor company as part of an email to their clients, “Times like this promote reflection and a clearer understanding of truly how fortunate we are.”

-Harriet