WHAT IS LIFE?

Life is a challenge............................... meet it. 

Life is a gift........................................ accept it.

Life is an adventure............................. dare it.

Life is a sorrow........................... overcome it.

Life is a tragedy..................................... face it.

Life is a duty.................................... perform it.

Life is a game......................................... play it.

Life is mystery ................................... unfold it.

Life is a song........................................... sing it.

Life is an opportunity........................... take it.

Life is a journey............................ complete it.

Life is a promise................................... fulfill it.

Life is a struggle................................... fight it.

Life is a goal..................................... achieve it.

Life is a puzzle..................................... solve it.

– Harriet

IN MEMORY OF ELI WIESEL

Never Shall I Forget

Never shall I forget that night,

the first night in the camp

which has turned my life into one long night,

seven times cursed and seven times sealed.

Never shall i forget that smoke.

Never shall I forget the little faces of the children

whose bodies I saw turned into wreaths of smoke

beneath a silent blue sky.

Never shall I forget those flames

which consumed my faith forever.

Never shall I forget that nocturnal silence

which deprived me for all eternity of the desire to live.

Never shall I forget those moments

which murdered my God and my soul

and turned my dreams to dust.

Never shall I forget these things,

even if I am condemned to live

as long as God Himself.

Never.

         -Eli Wiesel

SOMETIMES SAD IS BAD

No, I didn't make a mistake. For those who have read my book you may be wondering why the seemingly contradictory title of this blog. I’ve just returned along with my oldest grandson, Josh, from an emotionally revealing ‘journey of truth’ in Poland, having visited three extermination camps, Treblinka, Majdanek and Auschwitz-Birkenau, as well as the Lupochowa Forest where the entire village of Jews from Tykocin were murdered and tossed into three open pits.

I visited the largest Jewish cemetery in the world; Poland. 

I learned about people who experienced the Shoah (Holocaust); the victims, the heroes and murderers from our knowledgeable and inspiring guide.

I listened to the personal stories of their family members from my fellow travelers.

I touched tombstones of those who had a proper burial.

I smelled the mildew aroma of 40,000 pairs of shoes taken from prisoners destined for death.

I saw the brick and wood remains of death camps. 

SAD IS BAD

• when there is no one to recall a person’s life
• when the name of someone is forgotten 
• when one’s life story is lost in the ashes
• when one is murdered just because he is a Jew, a Roma or Sinti (Gypsies), mentally or physically disabled, gay or a political prisoner
• when 1 1/2 million children are killed 
• when whole families are gassed
• when entire towns are confined into crowded ghettos or deported to labor camps or death camps
• when one dies by being shot, injections to the heart, hanged, tortured, beaten, raped, starved or gassed
• when grief is aborted because trying to survive one more day is paramount
• when the prolonged traumatic experience is repressed for decades or the rest of one’s life

Take a moment to say the name of someone you loved who has died and remember.

Take the next moment to think of a “nameless “ person.

Take action to stop genocide, to cry out against this act against humanity.

This past week I’ve come to acknowledge that sometimes...SAD IS BAD. 

– Harriet

GOOD RIDDANCE

 I've often said to my clients, "One cannot look ahead to the NEW unless we let go of the OLD."

"Good Riddance Day" is a tradition in NYC prior to New Year's Eve when a giant sized shredder is placed in Times Square for anyone who wishes to rid themselves of any negativity from the past year. It might be a written message or a tangible item which symbolizes one's negative memory or experience. And what happens to that shredded paper? It becomes part of the confetti used in the New Year's Eve celebration. How cool is that!

But why wait until next December. Write down your feelings, memories, people or habits that you want to eliminate from your life or acknowledge an accomplishment that helped you get rid of a negative habit.

I can't emphasize enough how helpful these rituals can be in helping one to heal and grow. It is an opportunity to "take control" of negativity in your life.

For additional encouragement, read my book SAD IS NOT BAD. It's just a click away on this website.

– Harriet

FRIENDS LOSING FRIENDS

Helen Keller said, "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched - they must be felt with the heart." And when the heart is broken because of a separation or death we must grieve. And yet how much more difficult is that experience when our grief is for a person or pet not recognized by society. We call it "disenfranchised grief". That special relationship might have been a co-worker, client, patient, doctor, therapist, ex-spouse, lover, partner, teacher, celebrity or FRIEND. 

Female friends who've had to grieve a friend's death might find relevance and support on the website "friendship dialogues.com". Read how Ellen Pearlman created this site to honor the memory of her friendship with her best friend, Madeleine.

– Harriet

STRENGTH OF SPIRIT

Almost all of us have a strength of spirit that may not be apparent to us until we need it. Recently, I had the privilege of listening to a young woman share her story of patience, perseverance, resilience and gratitude all related to her diagnosis of breast cancer years before she could receive proper medical treatment. She demonstrated that strength of spirit and fortunately is doing well today.

A diagnosis of a terminal disease or a chronic condition that affects quality of life will trigger reactions of grief. Feelings of grief are normal with any change in one’s life. How much more so than with such a challenging diagnosis!

However, one needn’t stay stuck with those overwhelming feelings. Face them, experience them, and then take action. 

1. Acquire new coping skills
2. Seek Professional support
3. Balance your life with exercise and relaxation
4. Build a strong support network
5. Ask for help
6. Pray
7. Use the Power of Hope

You too may find that strength of spirit.

– Harriet

PUBLIC GRIEF VS PERSONAL GRIEF

JANUARY 28 was the 30th anniversary of the Challenger Space Shuttle tragedy killing six astronauts and an elementary school teacher. Perhaps you were one of those who witnessed it from the ground near Cape Canaveral or you were one of the students who watched on a nationally televised broadcast. In 2003 seven astronauts died when “Columbia” disintegrated upon reentry. Similar to 9/11, these sudden, traumatic disasters affected not only our nation but people all over the world. After the shock, the disbelief, the screams, the tears, the stories, the photos, the funerals, the memorials, the public grief becomes an experience distanced by normal living. However, for any friend or family member who knew one of the victims the yearly anniversary would be “an event that occurred just recently” according to Christa McCauliffe’s husband interviewed the other day. The passage of time doesn’t necessarily lessen the sadness and missing of someone who we loved after his/her death.

GRIEF CHANGES    

Even acute grief after sudden, traumatic deaths changes. It may become less intense. The intervals between grief experiences may be lengthier. The normal reactions of shock, anger, loneliness, and fear hopefully will dissipate with healing. But the missing and the sadness may continue to be triggered at times for the rest of your life. That’s normal grief.

– Harriet

HOPE FOR HEALING IN 2016

The “Holidays” are over but grief continues. Ask that of anyone who is grieving. As I’ve stated before, holidays may trigger more intense grief reactions, but the bereaved may be triggered by “anything” or "nothing at all”. I suggest you reread my previous blogs to review how to support someone who is grieving as well as yourself with care and compassion.

My hope for the New Year is that 2016 be a healing year for you and your loved ones.

– Harriet

The Gift of Self Compassion

This is the season for gift giving. It’s a perfect time to give yourself the gifts of compassion and patience. It’s called “healthy selfishness” and it’s OK especially when you are grieving. Some suggestions for you:

• Cry
• Exercise
• Meditate
• Say NO for this year
• Play with pets

• Music
• Write
• Talk
• Walk
• Pray

And give yourself permission to "just be". May your holiday be healing.

– Harriet

The Gift of Compassion

Thanksgiving began a holiday season that can be particularly difficult for the bereaved. While grief “triggers” know no calendar, holidays evoke memories of friends, family, food and fun. Therefore, holidays represent our friend. After the death of a loved one, the very same holiday can become our foe.

You might hear someone say, “I don’t want to put up my decorations”, “I won’t host the holiday dinner”, or “I’m not buying gifts.” How can you support a grieving friend or family member? The kindest gift to offer is to listen and take your cues from them. Offer NO advice and do NOT judge. Offer to help with a specific task in mind.

At this holiday season, give the gifts of compassion and patience.

– Harriet